"In the absence of biblical conviction, people go the way of culture." Sally Clarkson
I absolutely love this quote...mainly because it is so very true. I have had a lot of biblical convictions come into my life in the past few years. I notice that the more I read the bible and interact with it, the more of those convictions I get! Some have been incredible blessings to myself as well as my family. Some have been hard to take. Some have offended other Christians.
I decided to follow Jesus and His commands...doing everything I possibly could to live biblically. (I fail miserably almost every day!) However, as I began to walk in obedience, I noticed that other Christians started to ignore me or harass me or even tell me that the bible didn't really apply to modern society. Pain and loss invaded my life. The pain of having so-called friends degrade me for my decisions...and loss of other friends altogether. So it has been difficult to swallow.
Even though I have suffered (just a little) I continue to strive to live in obedience to God's word. Every day presents a choice: I can walk humbly with my God or I can walk away from Him. Experience has proven that when I am living in disobedience, life is so much harder. So, I will choose to walk in obedience tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, etc. Thank You Lord for sending the Holy Spirit to be my helper...how I desperately cling to You because I know that I am completely unable to do it by myself.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
3am...seriously?
Yes, I am up at 3am and cannot fall back to sleep. This is becoming a regular habit of mine. Maybe it is God's way of preparing me for 3am feedings when our little guy arrives. I just wish I could sleep now and store up enough rest to be able to make it through those first few months of newborn life!
I am feeling much better about trusting God to direct our lives. When I wrote my last post, I was absolutely terrified of what the future held. But as the week has progressed, I have felt more and more confident that we can make it on one income. God's peace fills my heart today and I am encouraged.
I marvel at His goodness and mercy and grace. It really helped soothe my soul to be able to encourage a friend who is struggling in her marriage. I always love to give wonderful marriage advise. But I also hate it...because I know that I should be following that advice in my own marriage. So with the help of the Holy Spirit, I can start over again today. I can be the wife and mother that He has called me to be. I can stop being a worry-wart. I can put my trust in Him and know that He will continue His work in my life.
I'm hearing strange noises throughout the house...those things that go bump in the night. Well, we do live way out in the country and the mice are terrible! But it still freaks me out a little...
I am feeling much better about trusting God to direct our lives. When I wrote my last post, I was absolutely terrified of what the future held. But as the week has progressed, I have felt more and more confident that we can make it on one income. God's peace fills my heart today and I am encouraged.
I marvel at His goodness and mercy and grace. It really helped soothe my soul to be able to encourage a friend who is struggling in her marriage. I always love to give wonderful marriage advise. But I also hate it...because I know that I should be following that advice in my own marriage. So with the help of the Holy Spirit, I can start over again today. I can be the wife and mother that He has called me to be. I can stop being a worry-wart. I can put my trust in Him and know that He will continue His work in my life.
I'm hearing strange noises throughout the house...those things that go bump in the night. Well, we do live way out in the country and the mice are terrible! But it still freaks me out a little...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Grain Grinder Giveaway
http://www.marilynmoll.com/2011/02/introducing-the-wondermill-junior-contest/comment-page-2/#comment-3971
This is a great homemaking site...they are giving away a grain grinder (something I have wanted for a long time!)
This is a great homemaking site...they are giving away a grain grinder (something I have wanted for a long time!)
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Where do I go from here?
This really isn't a blog for people to read and enjoy. These are actually letters that I write to God (even though I don't address Him.) This is more of a journal of my heart crying out to Him when I don't feel like I can speak to Him directly because I am such a wretched sinner.
It has been one of the hardest weeks. I have had a part time job that enabled me to stay home with my kids...and I was able to take my kids with me when I needed. But my boss said that I could no longer bring them (and I needed to find childcare for them the next week.) So I had to quit my job. Well, financially speaking, we are in terrible shape and really needed that extra income. By nature, I am a type A personality always in control, a planner and a fixer who can take care of anything that comes my way. At this point, I know I can't take care of everything on my own. I am expecting another baby in 3 months so I won't be able to find another job. We were really hoping to save over the next three months for the summer...and then I would start my part time work again. We also have to find another place to live in an area that is known for a high cost of living...no, the market has not caught up here. To top it off, my four year old has to have dental surgery...our cost is $958 after the dental insurance pays their portion which is due in two weeks.
Needless to say, I am in panic mode! I thought for sure that everything was going to work out all right. I had made plans for everything to be perfect. Well, life is what happens when you make plans! I am sure that God is testing me, refining me to make me a better person. He also wants me to surrender and rely on Him. But here is the thing: I have a really hard time relying on anyone. My early years were terrible, and I pretty much had to take care of myself. I didn't know the Lord until I was 21 years old. Even though I came into a personal relationship with Him, I continued to do everything on my own and in my timing, never waiting or listening to Him. Naturally, this is a very difficult situation for me. I know that I need to completely trust in Jesus to take care of our family. I know that he will supply all of our needs. But I still have that natural instinct to take control.
My pastor is currently preaching through the book of James. I can't believe the timing and how it fits right into my own life at this very moment. Every pore of my being desperately desires to "count it all joy when I meet trials of various kinds." Oh, but how difficult it is. Counting my blessings is the only way that I have found that I can actually have joy.
God has truly blessed me in that I am able to be at home with these three little girls. What an amazing opportunity that I have been given...oh how I long to disciple them and train them to love and obey God from the beginning rather than suffering years of heartache from disobedience. I pray that I can stand up to the testing. The refining fire hurts for the moment but will polish up my impurities once I have persevered through it.
My most difficult task at hand is not allowing myself to sink into self-pity. I struggle with depression and have for many years...and it would be so easy to revert to that deep, dark, and lonely place. Then I allow anger and bitterness to control my life. It is a cycle that I certainly don't want to spin on anytime soon. So, I will keep myself in the Word and on my knees in prayer. Closeness with God keeps the devil from getting too close...but it is a challenge for me to trust Him. Did I mention that I have serious trust issues? In my heart I also know that He wants so much more for me than to be tossed around like a rag doll. But I have to be willing to give up that little tiny thing called control.
So where do I go from here?
It has been one of the hardest weeks. I have had a part time job that enabled me to stay home with my kids...and I was able to take my kids with me when I needed. But my boss said that I could no longer bring them (and I needed to find childcare for them the next week.) So I had to quit my job. Well, financially speaking, we are in terrible shape and really needed that extra income. By nature, I am a type A personality always in control, a planner and a fixer who can take care of anything that comes my way. At this point, I know I can't take care of everything on my own. I am expecting another baby in 3 months so I won't be able to find another job. We were really hoping to save over the next three months for the summer...and then I would start my part time work again. We also have to find another place to live in an area that is known for a high cost of living...no, the market has not caught up here. To top it off, my four year old has to have dental surgery...our cost is $958 after the dental insurance pays their portion which is due in two weeks.
Needless to say, I am in panic mode! I thought for sure that everything was going to work out all right. I had made plans for everything to be perfect. Well, life is what happens when you make plans! I am sure that God is testing me, refining me to make me a better person. He also wants me to surrender and rely on Him. But here is the thing: I have a really hard time relying on anyone. My early years were terrible, and I pretty much had to take care of myself. I didn't know the Lord until I was 21 years old. Even though I came into a personal relationship with Him, I continued to do everything on my own and in my timing, never waiting or listening to Him. Naturally, this is a very difficult situation for me. I know that I need to completely trust in Jesus to take care of our family. I know that he will supply all of our needs. But I still have that natural instinct to take control.
My pastor is currently preaching through the book of James. I can't believe the timing and how it fits right into my own life at this very moment. Every pore of my being desperately desires to "count it all joy when I meet trials of various kinds." Oh, but how difficult it is. Counting my blessings is the only way that I have found that I can actually have joy.
God has truly blessed me in that I am able to be at home with these three little girls. What an amazing opportunity that I have been given...oh how I long to disciple them and train them to love and obey God from the beginning rather than suffering years of heartache from disobedience. I pray that I can stand up to the testing. The refining fire hurts for the moment but will polish up my impurities once I have persevered through it.
My most difficult task at hand is not allowing myself to sink into self-pity. I struggle with depression and have for many years...and it would be so easy to revert to that deep, dark, and lonely place. Then I allow anger and bitterness to control my life. It is a cycle that I certainly don't want to spin on anytime soon. So, I will keep myself in the Word and on my knees in prayer. Closeness with God keeps the devil from getting too close...but it is a challenge for me to trust Him. Did I mention that I have serious trust issues? In my heart I also know that He wants so much more for me than to be tossed around like a rag doll. But I have to be willing to give up that little tiny thing called control.
So where do I go from here?
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